i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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