maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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