found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
