Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
