I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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