Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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