mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
