My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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