i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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