I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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