shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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