If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
