you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
