you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
