ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
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It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
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The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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