i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
