HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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