Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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