I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
