I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
