I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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