i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
