4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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