what day is it and did you see me today?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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