Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You made out with two different species that night
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
