a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
