i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
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Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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