My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
