I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
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Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
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also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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