butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
