im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
