oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
