God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
