so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
