it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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