He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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