Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
