I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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