I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
