There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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