She just used a chaser for red wine.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
