he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
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so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
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I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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