it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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