You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dignity is for republicans.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Houston, we have a blender
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
