I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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