I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
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Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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