Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
