you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
