i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
