you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
