Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
