remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
