he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
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So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
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Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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