Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He literally asked permission to hit on me