how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
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Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize