I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
