he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
