Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
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Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
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you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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