my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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