I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
