I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize