i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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