Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
