I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?