Don't you send me to vm
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up