I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
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How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
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Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.