Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
