I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
