And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
