by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
